The Ultimate Concern

I just finished a wonderful little book from 1957 called Dynamics of Faith by Paul Tillich. His goal was to write a book that would get rid of some of the misconceptions of what faith is and try to dig deeper to a truer meaning of faith. His definition of faith is "the state of being ultimately concerned."

What is my ultimate concern?

My ultimate concern is learning about my Creator. I am searching for truth in the world. My main desire for most of my life has been to learn how to love as perfectly as possible. As a child learning about God and Jesus I developed an inner desire to love God and neighbor. While others I knew in Christian circles were praying for the gift of tongues, I was praying for the gift of love. I have always felt like this was a difficult thing- to love. It has always been something I wanted to do and do well.

Tillich talks about faith being a centered act of the whole personality and states that this is where freedom takes place. I believe this to be true. It seems like there is a "sweet spot", when I know I am doing the "ultimate" thing in my life. I feel at peace; I feel energy; I feel truly alive in these moments. When I would visit my Grandpa Slade during his last years of life I would feel that I was exactly where I was born to be at that moment. I was as blessed or more blessed than he by my visits with him.

He says, "Man is driven toward faith by his awareness of the infinite to which he belongs, but which he does not own like a possession...the infinite passion, as faith has been described, is the passion for the infinite."

We long to be more than finite creatures. This is the "restlessness of the heart" that points to there being more beyond this space and time. Some of this reminds me of how Henri Nouwen describes that inner longing. I recall song lyrics by Stephen Curtis Chapman that say something similiar "More to this life, than living and dying and trying to make it through the day..."
I feel love is one thing we do on this Earth that is infinite...one kind deed can go on and on.

Perhaps that is why It's a Wonderful Life is my favorite movie. George Bailey doesn't think his life is worth all that much and at one point feels it would have been better if he had never been born. The scene when the angel shows George what life on Earth would have been like without him in it gives me the chills everytime. He shows George all the soldiers that would have died, because his brother would have died, because George wouldn't have been there to save his brother when he fell in the ice as a child. Our lives matter when we love; when we care.

I liked his definition of holy being what concerns one ultimately. "What concerns one ultimately becomes holy. The awareness of the holy is awareness of the presence of the divine...the feeling of being consumed in the presence of the divine is a profound expression of man's relation to the holy. It is implied in every genuine act of faith, in every state of ultimate concern." Tillich is trying to jusitfy this meaning of holy vs. the meaning of holy that has often gone around in Protestent groups of holy being identified with moral perfection.

What is holy to me?

Holy is taking time to listen to a child that wants to share something with me. Holy is going out of my way to make a stranger feel welcomed when I would rather talk to a more familiar friend. Holy is visiting the sick and elderly or feeding the hungry. It is holy to look someone in the eyes when they are speaking and focusing on what they are saying. Henri Nouwen was known for looking at the person in front of him as being the most important person in the world to him at that moment. That to me is holy.

Prayer time, worship, reading and music. These things are holy to me as well. They help point the way to the ultimate concerns in my life.

Another section of this book regarding faith and doubt reminds be of Buechner. Tillich writes, "This element of uncertainty in faith cannot be removed, it must be accepted. And the element in faith which accepts this is courage. Courage as an element of faith is the daring self-affirmation of one's own being in spite of the powers of "nonbeing" which are the heritage of everything finite. Where there is daring and courage there is the possibility of failure. And in every act of faith this possibility is present. The risk must be taken...the risk to faith in one's ultimate concern is indeed the greatest risk man can run. For if it proves to be a failure, the meaning of one's life breaks down; one surrenders oneself, including truth and justice, to something which is not worth it."

I have often felt my striving to love has come up short. I have felt failure in this area countless times. It seems that there is always someone else to call, someone else that desires a visit or someone that needs an evening of fellowship. I do not always stop to listen to the child or visit someone in the hospital. Taking the extra time seems so difficult. There is a pull to do my own selfish thing. There is the exhaustion of life that sets in. However, I know that I am doing the best I can and I pray that God can make up the difference.

There is a long way to go. I have huge dreams to feed the hungry and help the needy. I desire to go on mission trips and continue to reach my love out farther and farther, even to the ends of the earth! However, I know as well that the real needs are in my own community. In my family, my school, my work environment, in front of me. The needs present themselves daily.

Tillich says, "The despair about truth by the skeptic shows that truth is his ultimate passion...serious doubt is confirmation of faith. It indicates the seriousness of the concern, its unconditional character."

Loving God and others is my ultimate concern and I despair over the motives behind my loving, my inability to be consistant at it and my constant failings. The older I get the less able I seem to be able to do it. Yet, I keep it as the focus of my life. I start each day anew and try again to love...day by day to love thee more dearly...

Meditation helps. Prayer, silence, solitude, balance, worship, nature, music, exercise...these activities help as well to clear the muck out of my head and heart to make way for peace and love to somehow shine through...

I have faith that this is the ultimate path where I am meant to walk, however imperfectly, during my time here on Earth.